Sis, Me Too!
Sis, Me Too, is the podcast where we get real about adulting, navigating life after college, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between. Hosted by Lauren Martin, we’re here to share stories, swap advice, and remind you that it’s totally okay not to have it all figured out. No judgment, just real talk and a whole lot of “me too” moments. So join us as we laugh, reflect, and tackle this crazy thing called life—together. You’ve got this, sis! 💞
Sis, Me Too!
Navigating Twenties with Grace + Importance of Self-Care + The Power of No
In this episode, I sit down with Kahli Matthews to talk about the ups and downs of navigating your twenties with grace. We dive into the realities of career transitions, the importance of self-care, and learning to set boundaries with confidence. Kahli shares her journey of embracing change, pursuing passions, and giving herself permission to say “no” to what no longer serves her. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by adulthood, this conversation is for you!
Tune in for an honest and inspiring discussion, and don’t forget to share this episode with a friend who needs a little encouragement on their journey. 💞✨
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Wanna stay connected with Khali?
Instagram: Khmcareerservices
Facebook: Thatchickk_kay & PoetrybyK
Business Website: Khmcareerservices.com
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📺 Watch this episode on YouTube: Sis, Me Too! Podcast Channel
If you’re a young professional woman of color, check out our online community, Soul Sisters, where we navigate the ups and downs of adulthood together.
Learn more at mysoulsis.com
Let’s keep thriving together, sis! ✨
Hey, hey, hey, welcome to the Sis MeToo podcast, where we dive into the real, the raw, and the relatable moments of adulting. I'm your sis Lauren Martin, and today we have Kahli I actually just recently connected with Kahli via LinkedIn. She left her hometown of High Point, North Carolina to attend University of North Carolina at Charlotte, where she majored in sociology with a minor in psychology and urban youth communities. In her free time, she has several hobbies that she enjoys, such as cooking, writing poetry and anything art related. She is currently working towards becoming a registered behavioral technician and I am so honored and thrilled to have her as our guest today. Welcome Kahli. Hi, I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, we're so glad to have you and we can't wait to jump into your story because I think your story of kind of pivoting, figuring out what area or career that you want to focus on is so relatable to so many women and so many of our guests that are listening today. We also saw and noticed too that you have a passion for giving back to others. So can you kind of walk us through, when was that first time you noticed that you had a heart for serving others? yeah, definitely. So I really noticed that early on I feel I have always been a giving kind people's person even though I used to be really really shy I feel like it even started off when I was young of I would be in class and you know we would have events or we could do donations and drives and I would literally always want to do that and I would sit and just think I am so grateful to have what I have and I would just think of for people who didn't and it's funny that I learned that early on it was really instilled in me from my mom my godmom and then this is funny but even a lot of the shows that we grew up watching where it was always this lesson of you know someone who didn't have as much or giving back. I felt having all of that just really instilled that in me of wanting to give back. So whenever I could, you know, especially when I was at school, I was in a lot of clubs, but Charlotte would have a lot of volunteer stuff you could just join and you didn't have to be in the cup. if I had the free time to do it, I would definitely do it. I did it a lot in high school too, if we had bring a kid a coat or like food drives, whether that was at my church or at my school or just in the neighborhood. I feel I've just always really been big on that. I don't know. It's just something of just thinking about I am so grateful to have what I have and you know, I'm even now, I don't not like, of course I'm not in school as of right now, but I still try to give back so if I come across, petitions or if someone has a GoFundMe and I can donate, I will. If I see people who need stuff, I definitely will. Girl, I literally have an overflow of clothes. I usually give my clothes to Goodwill but I'm trying to find some women's and children's shelter here in at home or I know they said, sometimes you can reach out to adoption agencies who have kids. girl I've literally been sitting here going through this of trying to get rid of stuff that I just don't need. Yeah, that's so good. And honestly, I feel like that's something for me that I kind of developed as I got older, I'm kind of similar to you where I always kind of liked giving back and stuff. But something about college and having to do so many community service hours, I really didn't appreciate it until I got out of college and I didn't have the time anymore. And now I'm like, I really wish I could go back to giving back to the community and just is... Where is... Yeah. that's good. That... limited on finances so it's not like we can just write a big fat check for your company so can you even touch on that of like someone that's kind of in our stage of life they might be limited Of course, this is great. I just was literally talking to my friend about this. You know, the midst of like, I'm not you know, don't get into politics, but the change in these next four years. And I definitely did say to my friend, was I feel sometimes after, it's voting for election or when we do voting in your own community, and then I feel like it just stops. And that's kind of just it. And I was just I told my friend, was like, there are so many ways that we can still continue to give back. So this is funny because it's almost full circle, but I definitely say there are a lot of ways that we still can whether it's you might follow somebody who, know, whether it's a GoFundMe or even just places that are looking for volunteers and stuff and even just reposting those things because then it's reaching out to that, to a broader audience. it's sometimes, you know, some, if you have that time of where you have time on your phone. sometimes I have downtime at work. So I'm like, okay, you know, I can repost this or I reach out to people that I'm like, okay. I could maybe ask some people that I know of personally of hey, I see this going on. A lot of places have a coat drive. I literally had time today because today's my off day. I went to the gym and my gym is doing a coat drive. And I'm like, okay, well next time I come up here, I can bring some coats and stuff that I have to donate. that's like a really good one. And I know like it kind of gets, it seems like we kind of get limited to because you're so used to at school, there was volunteer every day, all week, all month. And then like when you leave, it's kind of okay, not as many places are doing it. So I even had to kind of starting to do my own thing of how I want to reach out to, you know, women, children's shelters or the shelter here at home of like, Hey, how can I get into donating and then having to fit that into my schedule? But sometimes I know so just to be hectic, you can be tired. definitely just like, whether it's reposting or reaching out to people that you know, or like, you know, I know some people can't give so some of the petitions that I like to sign petitions too and even sometimes when I come across certain things that I'm like, okay, if I have $5 to donate that I probably would have put towards food. I'm gonna donate that. I definitely, it's just that, I don't know, it's just a feel good to give back to others and just always made me feel good. I think that those are really good ways to, you know. really look into it and sometimes just like I said reposting sharing the word to other people that you know and it just goes a long way longer than people think. I agree, especially from my perspective of things when I actually used to run a non-profit. And fundraising, asking people for money was one of my least favorite things to do. But you know what surprised me every single time I went on social media, I went to my network? It honestly wasn't my closest friends typically that were the ones donating. It was the people that I'd like, I had a class with you one time and you're donating? So I think that's another reason why you said it's so important to just put yourself out there because one, you never know who in your network might be open to helping you. And then two, you never know who they know. Because there was another instance of like one of my board members, she shared with the people she worked with and one of her coworkers ended up donating a large amount of money, which again, never would have expected that. But it's just like a lot of times you never know what may come from just one ask, one repost, one like. So honestly, a lot of times those are the biggest things that you can do anyway, because as an individual, you can only give so much, but you have a network of 50, 100 plus people that also have their own resources. I love you touching on that. Kind of switching the gears. I know your main goal or one of the main goals you're working towards right now is becoming a registered behavior technician. So can you kind of walk us through that journey of one, how did you even realize that's something you're interested in and then the kind of steps you're taking now to fulfill that goal or make it become true? Of course, post grad, that is real. That is so real because I felt even at my school, I worked at the Career Center and every day hearing from, not even just people, but everybody of what's next. Girl, you're just trying to get through, you're like, I'm trying to just graduate. I'm trying to graduate and just. Because that's a lot like within itself of you're still trying to pass your classes You're trying to do X Y and Z like the burnout and overwhelm can get real. So I literally I was grateful enough that My mom had allowed me to come back home. at first I wanted to stay in Charlotte, but I literally sat myself down I said girl We had a one-on-one and I said if you do not have a plan a job before graduation, you're gonna go back home and that's okay and So I literally came home and I was looking for jobs and I was really starting to get discouraged. Like I took a little break and then I was starting to get discouraged. was like, my gosh, okay. Like, it's harder to find a job now. Like it's so much harder. And I then came across this company, which I attended a virtual career fair. Like during COVID we had a virtual career fair at Charlotte and I attended and I came across this company. and they do like looking for like a behavioral tech. So this is the first time like I had heard about it and I was like, okay. So when I had got more background on it of like they work with kids with autism and kids, some kids that might have behavioral problems. And I felt like I related to that on a deeper level. cause my god sister does have autism. So she during COVID came to live with me. And I, yeah, I live with my mom, but my mom works all the time. So I kind of became her caretaker. And then my other god sister came too. So it was like, I was taking care of both of them, but for her, was in school and she was just diagnosed. so I was having to navigate like school for her, navigating behavior management for her. It was a lot, I was grateful for that time I got to spend with her because now just seeing the improvement and the progress that she's made. So I really related to that and I love kids. And when I applied during school, it was not gonna work because the schedule in my school schedule, I was like, So when I came across this new job that I'm working at now, it... When I first was looking into it, I was talking about it. I was like, okay, I feel like this is something I could do. So I applied. So right now at my job, I'm a behavioral tech and then I have to take an exam to come a registered behavioral tech. And it has been challenging. Like I'm not even finished with him, but it's been good. It's been challenging. Like when you're working with all kids on the spectrum and the spectrum, like I feel like people have this one look of what autism looks like. No. is literally what it is. It's a spectrum. So like you're meeting all these kids that's coming from like all these different backgrounds on top of this. It can be it can be kind of a lot. feel like it has been a lot. It's been challenging. And at one point in time I was going to leave not because of my kids, but I feel like it was kind of like a morals thing because there's a lot of stuff. in the field that I don't agree with but also when you're doing your background and you bring in psych there's a how even it started I was like okay I don't so I had to come in with this like perspective because I feel like working with kids that are neurodivergent I feel like I could agree I have ADHD so certain stuff I'm like I would not want like trying it's just certain things or that you're trying to like this isn't gonna go away or it's like certain stuff like that so I've been having to come in with my own perspective but my main thing is being an advocate for my kids so my kids they go to speech and they you know we don't write out their behavior plans but BCBAs do that. and we, because we're with them, day to day to see, you know, behaviors or concerns and stuff. So I've really been trying to take my perspective of that, of being able to be an advocate for my kids. So it's been challenging, it really has. I've enjoyed it. I know a lot of my friends be like, I'm surprised you're still here. but it's like, I don't know, you know, when you just. feel something like something is pulling you. So it's like I have my days where I'm like, my gosh, this is a lot. But then I get to just see the progress for some of them, especially if some of them aren't speech. So you think of the first day a kid who did not talk at all. And now they're saying full sentences or repeating things that you say. it just feels good. The main thing I feel like is the self, it's the self care for me. I'm not even gonna lie, like self care of when you have a full time job, a job period, I'm not even gonna say just a full time job, whether it's some type of work you're doing, internship, any type of thing that you're doing, like really having to still do self care for yourself. So I feel like that's kind of where I'm at right now, juggling that and then trying to work towards becoming a behavioral tech And then I'm starting school next fall, so, I want to do speech therapy, which I was inspired by the speech therapists at my job. we have to go to speech therapy with the kids and I've always been intrigued by speech. I don't know, something about thinking of language and how we communicate and stuff like that, like, yeah, so it's been a progress. It's been a journey, all right. thank you for breaking that down because it does sound like a journey and I'm sure Sometimes like you said me you're stepping outside of your comfort zone so much It's hard because you want to just go back to what you're comfortable with what it's easy Things that make you sound like you know what you're talking about your expert and you don't want to sit there and be the person that's always asking questions or just trying to figure it out And then I know you touched on two really important things. I'm like trying to figure out which one to touch on first I think we should probably dive into the self-care piece Yeah. So how do you focus on you? How do you unwind when you're at home? How do you make sure you're still good so you can even pour into these children at your job? Girl, honest, I'm not even gonna lie. It was so hard because at first, like, when I first got here, like, I was probably only here for like three, four months and I was so burnt out because it is a lot. I mean, and then I had to sit with I'm trying to put myself together so I can go to work. And I'm like, girl, so I had to take a step back, sit with myself and I had to advocate for myself really I had to look at my schedule and literally one point I was working Monday through Friday Monday through Friday and then our job is open on Saturdays but you only have to work one Saturday out of the month so sometimes I'm the whole week so literally I had to sit and I said I need this day off I can only work a half day on this day and like this is all I this is all I have to give and I'm realizing more and more how much self care is like a taboo because even when sometimes I don't work on Thursdays. So sometimes I'll come in to work and they'll be like, where were you to my coworkers? I'm like, I don't work on Thursdays. And they're like, why? Say, cause I mean this time to myself. some of my coworkers were like, my gosh, but the money. I don't even care about the money. If I'm not my best self, I'm not even gonna be able to spend this money. You know, I also go to therapy and nothing is, you know, the taboo with like mental health therapy. I love my therapist. We meet every week. We'd be chatting it up and she really helped me instill that in myself of self care. I know for my upbringing, like the women in my life worked, worked. all the time, work, and I felt like I literally heard this quote from the Knapp ministry. I loved their page and it was like, rest is a birthright. And that's when I was like, whoa, like I was kind of taken back because us as women, especially black women, we've been working since the beginning of time. So it's just like, Yeah, that's all we know and I was like, I had to get out of that like, my gosh, I feel lazy. sometimes on my off day, I'll have a list of some food and I used to beat myself up for not getting my list done. And sometimes I don't have nothing else to give if I don't want to do anything or I want to take off a work just because I'm going to do that. Like my birthday was last week. I took off the whole week. I took off the whole week and I was not upset about it. I enjoyed my week off for my birthday because I was like, you know, as I should like at least me giving something to myself because I love to get to others. I love to pour into others. I love my kids, but it's just like, if I don't have nothing in my cup like what? Like I literally have sat with that. Like COVID really kind of helped me too because me and my best friends, you know, we all went home. during COVID. So we're all talking and we would talk every day but we were all talking about that like self care was we have to take care of ourselves like besides everything else going on so that has really become a big thing for me and I will say I have been slacking on my self care you know I go to my my therapy weekly but I have been slacking of pouring into me and what does that even look like and It's still been hard like it's still gonna be a reminder like I am i'm sorry I'm I can't like I love watching self-care content and stuff like that But I know that's not me because I am not consistent enough And then it's not going to be aesthetically pleasing like you're gonna sometimes look crazy or just like well and I had to sit with that of like It does it's like whatever you can do for yourself. sometimes I like to get to work early and I will sit in my car. I will sit in my car for 20 minutes until I have to get into that job or like on my way to work. I love listening to music. Music just such like, I don't know, just does it for me. So I literally always before I pull out of this parking lot of my house, I like to say a little prayer to literally get me through the day and listen to music. from my house to work and sit there. And something about that just be like, because it's just not having to rush. So just taking your time is really nice. So like sometimes I do that. I'm not like a meal prep girlie full time, not full time meal prep girlie. Sometimes though, I will, you know, okay, I'm like, okay, we have breakfast. Okay, we packed a lunch before like. and not having to think all day am I gonna eat? Cause that was stressing me out so bad. But yeah, that's just kind of you know, now I'm going to the gym. I go like once, well, I'm trying to go more, but I have, I meet with a trainer that's, you know, trying to help me, showing me how to use stuff in the gym. Cause I'd be like, I used to come here and be lost. So need somebody to show me how to do everything right way. So that's been motivating me to go because I have to meet with him. You know, have an appointment set with somebody, you're like, I gotta come. But I love it. So just little small stuff. I love to read. And when I have the time to read, I will. Sometimes at work, one of my kids might cancel, so I might have this long break. So I'm like, okay, know, I'm gonna go sit in my car. I'm gonna go take me a nap. Or I'll sit in the break room, and I like to read. I like to just sit there. I had to realize self-care is not. this and it doesn't have to be because I mean for everybody looks different it does not have to be like okay have this long day off go get nails done pedicure like it's way more than that like it's like okay like if you like to journal or something you like to do take a little walk like it looks different to everybody and sometimes after my therapy session this week which was so good y'all I literally sat in my bed and I don't know if y'all ever watch Oswald he was this It was octopus. was like one of the shows from like Noggin. something about those slow like cartoon The shows that we used to watch are so comforting. I literally sat in my bed and watched the episode and I ate some ice cream and I just felt so at such at peace. and I just feel like whatever self-care looks like to you as long as it's you pouring into yourself. Because then it's just like I'm realizing like I used to always say like, my gosh, I don't have any more to give for my cup. And now I'm coming from this new perspective of like, my cup should already be full for myself. And then whatever runs over your cup, that's what you give to other people. Now that one, that was a word. I heard somebody say that and I said, my gosh. that just like, cause you're not used to that. like I said, as black women, don't like for a lot of us, we don't have the time to take care of ourselves. We're always taking care of. everybody else and I just was like I just I had to say this is gonna have to end with me because I just I can't and I don't want to like and I used to sound so I used to feel so bad saying that but now like I say it and I thought no somebody asked me like okay dude this no I'm sorry I can't no like yeah you learn the power of boundaries is what I keep hearing too. Because that's something again that I'm also working on because I am a yes person, I am a people pleaser or recovering, let's say that recovering people pleaser. And so it's so hard to tell someone no, especially someone that you truly care about because you know on the other side of that no most likely is disappointment. And so for you, you're saying, no, I'm going to put myself first. And I know that's not being selfish because I feel like that's kind of the two pieces of it is like, you have to realize that you choosing you is not, there's something wrong with that. It's not you being selfish. Like you said, it's just making sure that you're good first, because if you're not good, you can't take care of anyone. So I think that was an important piece you talked about. And I love how you kept repeating to you that self-care looks different for everyone, because I think especially with social media people, like if it doesn't look like this influencers the way they go have social self-care or like you said if i don't set up my bathtub like this and it doesn't really count as taking a bath and it's like girl no like whatever makes you happy whatever fulfills you whatever recharges your battery this is a weird analogy i'm a person just think some analogies i just thought about like think about devices your charger for your phone is not the same charger for your laptop Right. Yes, I love that. Yeah. ourselves. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just because we're all individuals, unique individuals. So it's like, whatever you need. And the thing is, it's gonna take time too. And it may look different in different seasons. Like for me, now going to the gym is an outlet. Girl, if you spoke to me three, four years ago, I would have been crying. I would not have wanted to go to the gym. Right? thing you have to think of is think about the season you're in, the person you are now, and figure out what activities or whatever works best for you. So just wanted to drop that in there real quick. because I felt that girl recovering people pleaded to I'm feeling you from here because that's so real and even hearing you said that to I was really sitting with that of this is something we are really taught as little kids like and my god sister I love I love her I always tell everybody it's my child like she's been in my life since she was a baby so I love her but I had to realize that of like This is something we are all taught. I remember her saying this when she was young and I had to be like, I was like, okay, my gosh, me not even know, you know when you're sitting back and looking at something now and you're like, dang. So it's like, we are taught this, whether it is family or even from some of the stuff that we watch on TV, some of the movies. And that's a whole other thing. Me and her had gotten to it about the Little Mermaid. She was like, why would she do that for a man? I said, girl. She said that to me when she was five. I had, and it's even times where sometimes she says stuff to me now, like as she's older and she's like, I'm just not doing that. And I'll be having to like, I don't know, it's like, you know, just learning from someone else too, especially somebody younger is still something to always learn. But it's a lot of stuff that I'm just like, I'm not doing that. and I had to, I've been sitting with that more of like, like I used to do the whole like, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I feel like with certain things I catch myself but it's not something you will learn in one day. I just I'll be having to tell my friends that too. like if you do not feel like going you do not have to go. you are not obligated to go. You are not obligated to text that man back. You are not obligated. If you're just your day off and your job is telling you to come in it's your day off. You do not need to go in. If they ask you do you want to come in and you don't want to go you can say no. It's not but it almost I know for me like it's just like a punishing like something bad was gonna happen My therapist just stays with me. So what's gonna happen if you say no, I was like, Okay, quiet like it's like nothing bad is gonna happen. They might feel some type of way, but it's just like You trying to get yourself together to like it's like going back to your cup You do it's like it's even pulling out so much out of your cup to even say yes and then Whatever you have left and you gotta go do that task and you looking like this cup already empty. No Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know what really hit me. I can't remember where I heard this but no is a complete sentence Like I know even for me I'd always be like no but or like I would try to like make a compromise almost like if I couldn't go with them then I immediately like well No, like you said it's like we really have to ask ourselves. Like how are we feeling and it's like I Don't even know how to explain it But it's like if that imaginary like you said consequence or something like that wasn't tied to it would you then be acting this way? Or even in like work emails, I used to always be like, my apologies for blah blah Why am I apologizing? Like unless I actually did something wrong, there's nothing to apologize for. It's just like, just send the emails straightforward because you see other people, especially men, they don't operate that way. So why are we operating like that? read in my mind because why was I thinking that? was like, man, like I have, my gosh, I was literally just thinking that like they are fine, whether it is work, a job, a relationship, if they don't like it, they gonna leave. If they're like, I don't want to do this. That's all they have to say. And like, it's just so much expectation that's behind us as women of for a long time, we didn't have a voice. So now, Like we have a voice and I feel like some feel like, okay, like, but if I'm not going to do this, like, you know, it's this backlash and it's just like, you know, like I have a voice, I'm my own person. So if I don't want to do it, I love that. Like, no, it's a complete sentence. I used to do that too. I'm sorry. Or maybe like, no, no, I can't do it. Have a great day. Like, you know, if you want to end off nice and maybe you feel that have a great day. No, like. You know, that is something that is like, And I, it's just, I'm loving to see us as young women, like really like, a lot of us are starting to put ourselves first and even starting to be like, this is doing the disservice to me. So, you know, whether, whatever it is. And it's like, I'm just going to leave. And I'm loving it. Like I'm here for it. I'm like, okay, yeah, as you said. Yeah, honestly, you have to because one in the world is just changing so much and I feel like there's so many demands placed on you. A lot of times, it's not even people that you're friends with or whatever. It could just be societal pressures. It could just be you placing pressures on yourself because you're comparing yourself to other people, like whatever the source may be. There is just so much more placed on us, I feel like, and that's why. I love that you're working with children because unfortunately I feel like that's the group that's being impacted the most because your childhood is no longer your childhood and it just looks completely different. And I know this is like totally shifting the conversation, but this is something you mentioned earlier that I really, really want us to touch on too. You said post-grad is real. I know no one warned me about so many things and that's why I'm so passionate about building the platform I'm building because I'm like, somebody needs to be out here warning these children, warning these undergrad students, warning whatever stage of life you're in. it's like, of course, you don't know everything, but we can only tell you our experiences and say, hey, watch out for this, watch out for that. You may experience these emotions, like, let's touch on what you kind of met and unpack that statement. It is real. Like, initially when I graduated, I actually did want to do advising and I was going back and forth between college or high school. I'm still, this is something I still want to do eventually like college, I mean high school because going into college like not like it's something that's like, whoa, this whole another, it's a lot. But when you're ending college, like that depression is real. Like, I mean, when I had to leave Charlotte and come back home and it's just like something that you've been used to all four years, whether it's your friends, your environment, like you miss that community because some of us are not going back to a community. so it's like you get that community of people that are, whether it's like the same major as you or just everybody having this role as a student. Like, you know, so whether it's you being around people that's also still just figuring it out and I would text my friends, now me and all my friends are long distance, but I would text them because we had lived together and I would be like, my gosh, y'all I just miss coming out of my dorm and seeing y'all and we're all Like another day like and we'll meet up in the cafe like unpack our day like you just miss that time and I Don't know like you just I know for me it was so hard because after graduating high school I didn't take a break like I maybe waited a semester to go to school but still feeling of grief because it's like you're not a student anymore. We've been students since we were in preschool. So like then and then you graduate and now it's almost kind of like it feels like you're being pushed out of the nest. It's like, so what next? What next? Like, you know, college will say like, okay, you get a job and like, but it's like, on top of you still trying to have trouble finding a job. It's like other things that's not unpacked of like, You know, like I said, leaving your school, leaving what you're used to for four years, like that is a long time. Like it flies by, but it's a long time. So I definitely was going through the feelings of grad depression and I would like meet with my therapist every weekend. I'm just, I'm sad. I'm fine to say that like, I'm sad. So it was really hard. And sometimes it's still as hard like when. I have some friends or coworkers that are still in school and sometimes I'm just like, ugh, for my birthday I got to visit my friend who's still in school and I just was like, ugh, I miss this. I miss this. And I think one thing I always think back to is my favorite song for your 20s, SZA 20-somethings, because that song is real. Literally you're just getting through it. Like it's just you're navigating life and it's hard because no one's really there telling you the real like you know some people you'll hear like my gosh I got a job out of school but that's it or it's just like not the real like I'm still trying to find a job I miss my friends I miss this community I miss being on campus it gets hard after that even just like finding friends so I know for me I was like, miss community. I need a community. I feel like we are so taught of being by yourself, like we need community to thrive. And I feel like that, I know for me, it was like that sad and lonely feeling. And I was like, I need a community. So I slowly kind of started to look around home and I actually did find this group and it's called 20 somethings of Greensboro, which is so cute. And they do you know, meet up or sometimes some people just come and say, Hey, I really want to go out tonight. Does anybody want to go out tonight? And I met a friend on there and I love, I love her. we clicked instantly and we hang out or we talk or we'll have sleepovers and it's so, it's so nice to do that. And they have a book club in there. So I joined the book club and I didn't get to go last time, but they're having the meeting up on Sunday. I'm not even gonna lie y'all. I even start that book, but I read fast so I'm gonna catch up so I can go. But I just, something about you still need community, and that's the main thing I know I missed from school because I know when I graduated I was about to like, so this is what a lot of my friends have said some people jump into grad school of fear of like, they know they wanna go but also it's fear of kinda like real work. So it's kind of avoiding that. And some of my friends really has told me like they really did that. And some of them are like, love, you know, okay, I graduated, everything, love the experience, but I wish I would have waited. And I definitely waited. after hearing that, cause I knew one, I was not ready. So that's why now I'm happy. I waited until I was ready to apply again to go to school, but also it was nice to get this experience of not being a student. because then I felt like if I would have just pushed in, I would have been burnt out. And then it would have really been hard after going back to school again and then graduating and then post-grad depression all over again. It is real and I don't care what anybody says. I feel like sometimes it's hard to maybe express that to people. Depending on, sometimes who you're talking to, like, you'll get over it, like, x, y, z, but it's real, and if you have that time and that space, like, sit with that of, like, what is it that you're like, so whether it's, community or just, you know, friends or just, like, something along the lines of that, definitely looking into that other than, you know, you trying to find a job. And that's another thing, too, like. I was looking for a job and I was literally like I was so stressing myself out because you're trying to find a job in your field and it's like Sometimes you find it like just to get money job like to get by until you get to that point is fine Nothing is wrong with that. everything looks different That's why I go back to 20 somethings because first of all, she ate with that song. She dropped that song. I'm pretty sure I was Like I feel like my first I like I might have my like times wrong, but I really feel like I heard this song when I entered in my 20s I was like, whoa, like this is real and I swear every year it's like I have to play it like Every year cuz I'm like this is a journey and it's like you're navigating life. Like this is your first time as an adult Yeah, it can be so challenging because one, what you touched on two of like the lack of community. And I feel like it was interesting with our college experience because of COVID. Like, so COVID kind of like had that, at least for me, it hit the end of my sophomore year. So pretty much right in the middle. So it's like, okay, I literally was just getting into like the groove of college, kind of figuring the whole thing out. Then I had to go home for, I don't know, six to seven months. Like you said, to be isolated from everyone, then try to come back, but you can't really come back because you know, everyone's scared of getting COVID now. But either way, it's still like you miss that. And I also moved back home. I still live at home. And so that's a whole nother adjustment of like you said, having to go back to that dynamic. And it's like, I'm an adult now, but I live with my parents. So it's just like, that's an interesting piece. And then another top part of it is like you said, for me, it was huge with the student piece. Hmm. are a student your whole entire life. How you are evaluated, where you seek your value and worth as a student is completely different than it is in the workforce. In the workforce, you're not going to be getting report cards saying, you're on the right track. You're doing a good job. You're not going to have quizzes and tests you have to study for and prove that you're doing a good job. You have once a year reports if you're lucky. And even then, those reports a lot of times are so biased that it may be a little bit different than how you're actually performing. So it's just like, that was really challenging for me. And I think especially because I was a high achieving student, so I always was shooting for the stars, but it's like, let's be honest, in a lot of jobs, you don't need to actually work that hard. And so like, I think for me, that was another thing that kind of led to my burnout. And so, Yeah, I can keep going on that piece, but I think a lot of people underestimate that transition of, like you said, going from a student to an adult or whatever you want to call it, because a whole other piece is like when you're a student, there's a clear path. You graduate elementary school, you go to middle, high school, and most people go to college or whatever you end up doing next, but it's still a clear path. When you graduate, there's so many possibilities and so many different paths you can take. And it's just like, what do I do next type of deal? And I know that makes a lot of people, like I said, scared, paralyzed even. Like you just don't know what to do because you've never had to navigate the situation. And I know even a lot of people are scared of making the wrong choice. So then they just don't make a choice. Or like you said, they delay that choice. And then another piece for me personally was a lot of my friends, they did go straight to grad school. So then I was one of the few people that was actually in the workforce and I was like, this is hard. And I felt like I had no one that really could relate to me, because as you know, getting that first job, even if you had internships, it looks completely different when you are working full time. So all of that is kind of what I think of when I think of post-grad. I'm about two and a half years post-grad myself, and still trying to navigate this whole world in shameless plug, but that's why I created my community Soul Sisters, because... I really want to create a space, we are a space for young professional women of color, just trying to navigate our careers, but also just life. So yeah, definitely need for community, I agree with that. Yeah. All right. So last question for you. I know you have so many plans. So my question is like, what's next for Kahli? Where do you hope to be or see yourself in a year, five years, maybe even a decade down the road? wow, what is next for Kahli? Well, Kahli is, you know, going back to school fall of next year, because I want to be, I want to be a speech therapist. You know what? Let me rephrase that. I am going to be a speech therapist and I want to create a community where like, I'm, I always have said I want a nonprofit. What I want the nonprofit to be, I don't know. I'm still like, I don't know, even if I don't have my own nonprofit, I still will continue of course, giving back. Still working on taking care of myself, that is not stop. But I feel like eventually I really want to be like... I don't know if at ease is the word, because I feel like besides school, COVID, COVID was real. Like still even unpacking stuff of like, you know, going to therapy, unpacking stuff from childhood, adulthood, it's crazy. But I feel like there's so much going on and like you're still trying to navigate and like, I want to be at ease. Like, I don't even know if that even makes sense, but like. I want to be at ease out. I always tell people like, I want to eventually have a farm. I want to live on a farm. I want to have my own farm. And I literally want to have a garden, have a garden, have a farm. I felt like I've always leaned towards stuff that's not quote unquote traditional, I don't know if I'm gonna have kids by then. If not, I keep saying. That's okay with me. I love my all my best friends have kids. Those are those are my kids. a lot of my my cousins that I grew up with like has kids those are my kids. So I don't know, I felt like I've never had this like, I want to not say I don't ever want to marry for whatever if it happens or not, but I've never been the girl I want to I want to be married, I want have kids I always have said I don't know how that's gonna look. know, whatever it is, I want to be at ease. I want to be fine with where I am in life. Like, you know, and I know for people it changes, it changes, but I don't know. That's where I wanna be. I wanna be a speech therapist. If I'm still figuring stuff out by then, it's okay. that's, I'm fine with that's life. Yeah, no, I love that speech therapist with your farm slash garden, by the way, I'm gonna come get me some fresh veggies. Yes. yes, everybody, everybody come, everybody come. and I do want to pick up a hobby. I did say I really want to learn pottery. I have a friend who literally does pottery and went to school for she keeps saying you come and I and I'm gonna learn guys, I'm gonna learn. I keep saying I'm gonna learn how to crochet. Y'all I tried that. And I sat there I was crying and I texted my friend who crochets I said, I don't know how you do this. I need an easier video. I need to step by step but like I want to just have so many hobbies to pour into myself. I write poetry and I love it. And eventually I do want to write a book, write a poetry book, and do more open mics. I just want to live life. I keep saying I have all these things. I want to do what I I want to do all of them. I do not want to look back and live in regret of, I wish I would have done that. I'm the same way and I truly believe you will accomplish all that and more. We are going to hold you accountable with learning the pottery and crochet. Yeah, definitely. All right. So before we wrap up, if you could give one piece of advice to someone that's navigating the season of life. So maybe they looked at someone and like, maybe I want to switch my career. Basically, I feel like you're in a very transitional season right now. So anyone that's going through that, what's one piece of advice real quick that you'd give them. I would say give yourself grace give yourself grace like You're navigating life. I mean, this is your first time as an adult. Yeah, even if you're not in your 20s anymore I mean like still and give yourself grace if it's something that you want to do whether it's okay I want a different job. I want to this do it I had to have some time to sit down to make some sort of a plan and be like but do it Definitely do it, give yourself grace. I always love saying that. comparison can be hard, but comparison is a thief of joy. everybody's life and everybody's journey looks different. Just definitely do it. Well, I'm about to wonder if we are the same person because that's my biggest piece too. I always tell people give yourself grace too. So that's perfect way to end out today's episode. I just want to thank you again so much for joining us, Kahli. It was truly a pleasure having you. And if you're listening and you had a Sis, me too moment during today's episode, make sure to hit follow and share it with a friend who could use a little bit of girl talk in her life too. Well, I hope you take care and again, thank you for listening and bye, sis.
