Sis, Me Too!
Sis, Me Too, is the podcast where we get real about adulting, navigating life after college, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between. Hosted by Lauren Martin, we’re here to share stories, swap advice, and remind you that it’s totally okay not to have it all figured out. No judgment, just real talk and a whole lot of “me too” moments. So join us as we laugh, reflect, and tackle this crazy thing called life—together. You’ve got this, sis! 💞
Sis, Me Too!
Moving to a New City + Finding Your People + Navigating All the Feels
Sis, let’s be real—moving to a new city after college can feel exciting, but it can also be a lot. The loneliness, the uncertainty, the pressure to “make it” on your own—it’s something so many of us go through, but we don’t always talk about.
In this episode of Sis, Me Too!, I sit down with my girl Maddie Tanner to get real about what it’s like to start fresh in a new place, the struggle of finding your people, and the decision to return home when things don’t feel right. We unpack the emotions that come with big life transitions, the guilt that can creep in when plans change, and why choosing what’s best for you is never a step backward.
Maddie opens up about her own journey—the excitement, the loneliness, and the strength it took to admit that it was time to pack things up and head back to her hometown.
Whether you’re in the midst of a big move, feeling a bit lost, or questioning if going back to a familiar place is the right choice, this conversation is for you.
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📺 Watch this episode on YouTube: Sis, Me Too! Podcast Channel
If you’re a young professional woman of color, check out our online community, Soul Sisters, where we navigate the ups and downs of adulthood together.
Learn more at mysoulsis.com
Let’s keep thriving together, sis! ✨
Hey sis, welcome to the SisMeToo podcast where we dive into the real, the raw, and the relatable moments of adulting. I'm your sis Lauren Martin and today we have with us Maddie. For those of you that actually are regulars, you'll remember Maddie from our very first episode. She came on to the SisMeToo podcast and we talked about all things freelancing, how to pivot from your career, and today we're going to discuss all the emotions and things that come with deciding to move to a new city. So Maddie, can you tell us a little bit about your upbringing? Did you move around a lot? Did you stay in the same child at home? Tell us about, yeah, kind of your background a little bit. Yeah, for sure. Well, first of all, thank you for having me again. I'm super excited to be here. Fun fact, I never moved at all. I think my parents switched houses when I was two, and that was to go one county over. So once I was there, I was there. I never moved, just stayed. And I think that sparked something in me to want to see every place I physically could. Interesting because I have a similar background in terms of I was born in Winston-Salem then I moved to Charlotte when I was four and that was and really it was Harrisburg so the outskirts of Charlotte and I stayed in that home my entire upbringing and so for me that almost made me want to stay and leave roots there it's because it could be so scary to step outside of my comfort zone and explore a new city so it's very interesting that we had kind of different perspectives on that. I do want to travel now don't get me wrong I love and will go to anywhere for a week or two. But just getting up and moving somewhere completely new can be really scary. So I know for you, you definitely went way more than a few counties away. You actually went a couple states away for school. how did, talk to us about that. How did you land on Charlotte and specifically UNC Charlotte to have as your home for college? Yeah, so I always wanted to go out of state. When I was applying for colleges, I don't even think I had one thing in common with all of them. It was just random out of state colleges. That was the common denominator. I didn't know what I wanted to do either. I was just, I was applying to leave basically. And I have family all across the US pretty much. I have some in California, I have Missouri, I have North Carolina, I had New York. It was just, I had people everywhere. And I actually went down south to go visit in person. And I was at UNC Chapel Hill for my first visit. And to be completely honest, it wasn't for me. I didn't like it. And that, see, like I feel like people get weird when I say that, that I didn't like it. That is why, side note, it's very important to go tour in person where you want to go to school. And so this was kind of like my, not my dream school, but I always had like the what if, what if I went to Chapel Hill? What if I did that? I had the blankets, the sweatshirts. And after that experience, I went crazy. I had like a panic attack and anxiety attack because I was like, the school I wanted to go to, I don't like, what am I going to do? And I was staying at my cousin's house and they live in the Ballantyne area. and they were like, well have you ever thought of UNC Charlotte? I was like, no. So that day, my uncle John took me on a little drive by of the campus and I remember being so in awe of like the fact that Uptown was kind of right, right down the street, but also the campus had trees. It had a lot of nature, a lot of foliage, and after that being my third or fourth visit to a college, That was something you didn't really find, were like the trails and the trees and like all this beautiful greenery that I was like, my God, this isn't just like its own little city. The city is just a few stops away. And I thought that was amazing. I could get the nature, could get the city. And then when I actually looked into it, I could get the good education as well. And I fell in love with it. I applied that night. I was so into it. I was so excited. And then also just the thought. having my family nearby in case something were to happen. I never thought it was like, oh, I need family near me. I always thought I was too good for that, too independent, that I could be on my own. But looking back, I could not imagine a better situation, especially because COVID had hit my first year that I was there and I needed someplace to go. So everything truly worked out for the best and I had a great time there. I think of Charlotte as my second home. go down. two, three times a year. I love it so much. And yeah, it was the perfect place for me to start like a new section of my life, I think. Yeah, it's a little eerie. I'm like, are we the same person? Because I have a very similar story. But for me, being in North Carolina, like Chapel Hill is just the school. It's I feel like it's either like Chapel Hill or Duke. And for me, was a Chapel Hill girlie. So I was like set on going to Chapel Hill. I was like, that's the school for me. No one's going to change my mind. But same thing as you. actually participated in one of their programs. And so that was my first real experience just being on the campus and things of that nature. And then I went back just to tour it as like a visitor and I was like, hmm, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something just was not hitting me the right way. And at that time, I think that was around my junior year or maybe right before. And so that was definitely a time to start thinking about where you were gonna apply. And I'm like, my goodness, so what am I gonna do? And my dad was actually an alum of UNC Charlotte and the whole time he's telling me like you should at least like consider UNC Charlotte. I'm like no, it's literally 10 minutes away from home. Like I've already been on this campus so much. Like I don't want to go to school here. But then I toured the college and like actually toured it and thought of myself as being a student there. And I'm with you. I was blown away. As soon as I like went on that first tour, I was like, oh no, this is a school for me between the people, the campus, the dorm rooms. Like everything was just a perfect match. So yes, getting back to our topic, guess, I got a little off track there. What were some of emotions, some of the hardships you faced moving to a new city, especially at the young age of 17, 18 years old? Yeah, I was super excited. I don't think anything ever registered to me of a possible what if. I was just like, go, go, go until maybe three days beforehand. So that whole summer after graduating high school, leading up to it, I was like, this is going to be the best thing ever. I'm so excited. Could not stop talking about it. Could not stop feeling like that. Just I don't even know. I guess excitement is the word, but it was just bigger than that. And around three days before we had to leave. I just started crying. I was like, what if this isn't the right decision? What if I go there and I hate it? Or what if I don't make friends? Because I didn't know anybody. All the what ifs three days beforehand happened. And that didn't happen until I met with a friend for coffee. she basically had the same thing happen to her. She was talking to me and she had mentioned that she didn't want to leave. Her whole family was here. Her dog was here. Her best friends were here. And I was like, my God, wait, I'm not gonna have my mom. I'm not gonna have my dog. I'm not gonna be able to go meet my friend. Like, what do you mean? And just not knowing, like, I don't have a coffee spot anymore. I don't have the go-to hangout spot. So just like random things started hitting me here and there. I got over it pretty fast, to be honest with you. I took that time. I took maybe a day. I talked to my parents about it, crying. And I was like, what if this isn't right? And luckily enough for me, I have the support system and my mom and my dad were like, if it's not right, then you can come home. Like that's all there is to it. If you don't like it, you have the option to come home. That's that. And I was like, oh, OK. So I knew that if something were to happen, I could come back to them. I could go to my aunt and uncle's house in Valentine. I have an aunt and uncle in Nashville. I was able to see them all the time and that was fantastic. like. Even without going home, I still had that support system and that was just an extremely comforting feeling to not only me, but my parents as they're sending their 18 year old off for the first time as well. Yeah, no, that's really good. I love that you had those people around you to support you calm you down during that like nervous time because I could only imagine all the emotions that hit and like you said they hit at once. So that's what made it even worse. But I kind of want to make sure we can apply this because I believe these emotions doesn't matter how old you are, what the situation may be when you're moving to a new city, especially on your own, it can be rough. And I know so many women in their 20s are moving to new cities, whether it's for a new career, whether it's for their spouse or significant other. So what advice would you give them maybe when they have that three day out moment with like, my goodness, what did I just do? if this doesn't work out? Yeah, I think you definitely need to acknowledge those feelings. I think I had that little outburst of my three days prior because I didn't, I wasn't rational about it. I was just thinking about all the positives. I wasn't thinking about real life situations that were going to happen. So definitely make a logical decision about your move and fully acknowledge the pros, the cons and be okay with it. When I picked Charlotte, I knew that I was going to have to be even more extroverted than what I currently am because I wanted to and needed to make friends. I needed to go out of my comfort zone and join the clubs and join the organizations to put myself out there so I could create my own support group. And I especially think for women in their young 20s, mid 20s, late 20s who are moving right now, that's something that I struggle to do now that I'm. even is create new friends in my town because now I'm comfortable again. I think we need to keep pushing to be uncomfortable and to join the groups, the organizations, even if it's a new workout class and talk to new people there. Just keep continuously putting yourself out there. And yeah, I guess continue to make yourself uncomfortable. It's hard. It's very, very hard. But that's how you make new friends. That's how you learn new perspectives. That's how you grow. And I am just so thankful that I Did that at 18, I did that at 19, you know, my four years of college. And it did make it easier, made it fun. And not everything's gonna work out the way you planned and that's okay, but at least you tried. Yeah, no, that's so good. And I think two other important pieces of advice in your previous response was sometimes we don't like to think about the worst case scenario, but I think sometimes in those situations, it can help you because when you went into panic mode, when your parents set you down and said, okay, what's the worst that can happen? And then you already were able to think of solutions like, okay, if that did happen, I can do X, Y, and Z. I think a lot of times that can help people because then it doesn't feel like you. Yeah. to like all this danger. It's like a lot of times, worst case scenario situations really aren't going to be the end of the world. There's always something you can do to figure out how to maneuver that. And then the second piece, I just keep hearing in my head people that are like, okay, well you had your parents, you had other family members, you have this huge support system. Well, I don't have anyone. Yeah. neighbors. Cause a lot of times if you move into apartments, there's going to be other young people there. It could be even at your job. It could be like you said, workout classes. Now that a lot of people are active. like, I think it's just, if you don't have that support system, you're going to have to be a lot more intentional about creating that support system. So. I'm very intentional with mutual friends. I have made a lot of my best friends through mutual friends. I felt like that was the easiest way for me to do it. I know sometimes if you're in a cycling class, you're not just going to look over and be like, hi, why are you here? What's your name? So the mutual friend thing, being at a party or having a friend of a friend come over and you guys are all together, that was fantastic for me. Like to have my roommate just bring her friends over and then I became friends with them and now they're some of my best friends. Excuse me. It's just, it's easy to do it that way where you have a casual conversation and then before you know it, you click on something and then you're friends. I don't think friendships are truly that hard to create because for me, like I feel like if we bond over something, we're friends. Like we have something in common, we're able to chat. Maintaining obviously is a different story and keeping that, but in order to just make friends around you, just talk to people. Like that's all you got to do. And it's obviously easier said than done. But yeah, I think mutual friends are truly the best. That's the best way to go about it. I love that. And also to people, especially as you get older, just remember there's different levels of friendships, you know, just because you're talking to someone or meeting someone at a workout class doesn't mean you have to be their best friend and tell them all your dark secrets. It just means someone that you can hang out with someone you can call on if you need to go do something with. So I think that's another thing people have to remember too, because as you're younger, friendships look so completely different. Yes. And as you become adults, I think you have to almost learn how to group your friends into different categories a little bit better. So that's really important. And then just shifting the conversation to, I know after you graduate UNC Charlotte, you actually made the decision to move back home. So talk to us about that decision, how you came to that decision, all the fun stuff. so that decision had a lot to do with my current friends at Charlotte. It had a lot to do with my partner who lives in my hometown and had a lot to do with my parents and a lot to do with my family. Every person truly had a voice in this decision, including myself. But it was one of those moments where as we were nearing graduation, I wasn't getting a job. And I know I talked about that in my first episode. I didn't get a job. Nothing was truly holding me there. My friends were all moving to other cities or moving home. I had one friend move back to her hometown and I was like, okay. And funnily enough, she came to Charlotte from New York. So she moved back. currently three hours away from each other. So we're planning a date, but she moved back home. One of my other friends decided to move to Washington, DC because she said she just couldn't keep growing in Charlotte. And I said, That makes sense. And then my other friend moved back home, but moved to Greensboro instead. And it's just all these different people moving. And while I know I could have made other friends, I don't know if I truly wanted to. Like those were my people. And I hadn't seen my family in four years. Obviously I did for Christmas and for other holidays and things like that. But I didn't have like a real sit down with my grandma in four years, or I didn't get like that. 16th birthday party invitation from my cousin and it's like these are things that I've missed and I I feel like I need to be there like everyone's growing that's fine. I had my four years I did what I wanted I was able to go away and experience new things I am so eternally grateful for that and I'm still thinking about where I can head to next but I truly think that that was the right decision for me at the time to just come back and be in the moment with my parents and to be honest, am an only child. So just that like, I'm gonna go see my parents. Like I'm gonna come back, hang out with them for a minute before I leave again. And yeah, it was just, it made sense to me at the time. I had, we really set that in stone probably like March where it was like, I'm gonna go home. I think it's time. yeah, I've met people here. I've loved it and it's good to be home. No, I love that for you and I think it's important too what you talked about. Like it's good sometimes to have that experience and there's absolutely nothing wrong with returning back home after that experience is done because I think sometimes with the pressures now of people living in the big cities and going far away from home, a lot of people feel the pressure that they can't return back home after college or even at a different point in time. And it's like, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because like you said, at the of the day, you still do need those moments and memories with your family or Even it's just you loved your hometown and you want to go back because you miss it. Like, that's fine. I am curious though, did you have a bit of like readjusting and being back in home, especially for you? I'm sure the environment in Ohio is a lot different than Charlotte. So any thoughts on that? The adjustment period's hard. Whether you're moving to a new city or moving back home, it is hard. It's just kinda like, now what? I'm here, now what do I do? It was hard for me to kind of, I feel like this is more of a college to adulthood transition as well. I was like, what do I do? My clubs are gone, my orgs are gone. How do I meet people? Like, if I can't join a club, where am I gonna go? I was very club-centered. I had things almost every day of the week while I was in Charlotte, and it kept me busy and I loved it. And then I came home and I just wasn't home. Like, I just sat here. I was like, well, what am I gonna do? That took a very hard adjusting period to me. I was like, my gosh. I started to go on different outings with my cousin. and she introduced me to her friends and that's honestly where some of my best connections have come in. Again, mutual friends. But yeah, mean, being out with my cousin that led me to my two jobs that I currently have and just like going around town and seeing new places and visiting new restaurants and going out, it's just, it's nice, it's difficult. It's still something I'm trying to do is adapt and it's been a minute. still kind of felt like a stranger when I moved back as well, which is hard to be a stranger in your hometown because even though I came back, I was a different person. I was not the same 18 year old who had left. So it was like very weird to come back and see it with a different set of eyes. Now I'm really into my community and helping my community. I want to see nothing more than Cleveland grow and flourish and just like, I would love nothing more. So yeah, it's. It's cool to come back and be that different set of eyes, but yeah, I'm still learning what to do. You touched on so many important things and I almost want to have you back again for season 2 Because what you just touched on is so important I think a lot of people don't really realize it until you're in it in terms of Having to reintroduce the new you to your either is your family or your old friends Because you're not the same you've gone through so many experiences. You've grown so much over those four years. So Wow, that was really like I didn't think we were gonna go there. But I was like, yeah, it could be a whole topic within itself. Like it goes so much deeper than people. It's not just moving across the state line. Like it is so much deeper whether you move somewhere else or come home or go even if you go across the county line truly like that is different and there's a lot a lot to dig deep in there with like it is crazy. Yeah, I think one thing too I want to touch on that you previously mentioned is you were saying when you decided to move back home there were so many other voices, so many other opinions, but you still listened to you and at the end of the day you did what was best for you. How did you kind of block out all the noise, all the opinions, all the suggestions to really focus in on what's best for Maddie? It's hard. It's really difficult, especially when it's people you care about and value. It's very difficult. I think my parents had a lot to do with it. having that strong support system truly helped me and shape a lot of my decisions. My parents had told me that I can do whatever I want. And I was... I don't know if I truly thought that I had to come home for them where I was like, I need to be there. But hearing that they didn't care, they were like, if you wanna come home, that's great. If you wanna stay, that's great. We'll visit you again, that's fine. If you wanna go to California, that's fine, we'll visit you. It was just like, okay, like you're really cool with whatever. And they told me, yes, you do what you wanna do, that's fine. And then I was like, okay, cool. So then I... didn't really care what anybody else thought because I listen to my parents the most, I still do to this day. And I was like, they don't care what I do. And their opinion out of everyone's that I talked to meant the most. And that's when I just sat down with my thoughts and looked at the pros and cons of everything and thought, I don't think I should stay here. Because personally, like, I did look into it. I looked into staying. And Charlotte, just don't think was it for the long term because in my head, I was gonna stay in University City and that's not where I wanted to be. If I was gonna stay in Charlotte, I wanted to be in Southend or I wanted to be in Noda. And my budget didn't say Southend or Noda. It said, you're staying in University City. And I was like, I don't wanna do that. Like that's not what I want. So I was like, you know what? We're just, we're gonna pack it up. We're gonna go home. And after seeing some of my friends do it, and they were packing up. No shame in the game. You pack up, you go home, you had your experience, great time. If I come back, I come back and I'm so excited for that. So you just see what happens, how life unfolds and you go from there. Yeah, again, just like seeing the common theme of like you being empowered by those around you. I think that's so important where it's like people are empowering you and giving you the tools to make the decision on your own instead of shoving a certain way or certain thought process down your throat. Yeah. Because I definitely think like the norm would have been to just stay there. Like I graduated, I have my degree, my friends are here, I'm here. But my friends weren't there. Like my friends were leaving, my friends were buying houses out like somewhere else in North Carolina. And then it was like, I know nothing about Greensboro, I'm not moving to Greensboro. Like as much as I would love to stay with my best friend, I'm not moving to Greensboro. So there were just so many factors. And when I had sat down with my friend who made the first decision to move, cause she had gotten job a lot earlier than everyone else to move to DC. When she said that she just couldn't grow anymore in Charlotte, I was like, what does that mean? Like, what do you mean you can't grow? And throughout the months, like from November when she told me that until March, April, where I was like, I can't grow here anymore. Like I did my growing here. I became a completely new person here. Like I developed so many hobbies, interests, views, like perspectives. I am new person. did my growing. I loved it. I think I need to spread that back home. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's similar to like a flower that you put in a pot You may have to replant it in a bigger size pot or a different pot to help it continue to grow and flourish Like you said, you almost had sucked all the nutrients out of that environment for yourself personally So you needed to go somewhere else and get some different type of food different type of source So I totally understand that I think I would love for us to wrap up on I know you've already given some incredible advice, but just any last piece of advice that you can give someone that's thinking about moving has already made that commitment and they're quickly approaching their panic moment. Other than to just like fully send it, fully send it. Like feel all your emotions, do all the things, buy all the things for your new place. Like just live every moment that you have to the fullest. Go do all the things, go join all the clubs, go meet all the people. Like there's so many new opportunities that you don't even know about. You can't even put your pros and cons list because you don't even know they're there. Go do them. Like that's all I have is to just take advantage of it. And if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else. Like I know that just sounds whatever. know when people don't have the support system or the means, that's okay. But literally take advantage of it. I'm sure you're going to love You sound like Nike, hashtag Nike, just do it. No, I love that. And I think sometimes we do have to almost take a life at that approach, especially when we're younger and have the flexibility to be a little bit more like, I just want to move here. So I'm just going to do it type of energy. So I love that you took that approach and that you're flourishing in your new but old environment at the same time. And I guess too, you hinted at You may want to move anywhere else. I know it's not a thing set in stone, but any ideas of where you might want to move next? my goodness, I have no idea. I mean, I'm looking at different places in Ohio. I'm looking at, I always look, that's my thing, is I'm always looking. I get in these phases where I'm like, I wanna be by family. I wanna start a new life over here. I wanna do this. I'm currently looking at the Mediterranean. So it's like, there's so many different lives that I could live. And it's hard to have that little. decision paralysis because there's so many doors that could open and you don't know which one to pick. But I am comfortable in knowing that whichever one I pick, it's gonna be great. So. I definitely believe that too. Everything will work itself out and you'll end up exactly where you need to be. So I guess we'll just have to stay tuned to see where Maddie is going to be in the future. Yeah. Give me like 10 years. I need to make a plan. Yeah, no, don't worry. We got you. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Maddie. It was truly a pleasure having you. And if you are listening and you had a Sis me too moment during today's episode, make sure to hit follow and share it with a friend who could use a little bit of girl talk and her life too. Bye, sis.
